A Father’s Dream
A short story by Grace Vine
Virginity is a sacred gift. Here is one way parents can help their children to be
committed to sexual purity before marriage.
The roast chicken with cranberry sauce had been great - but the first time Belinda had ever eaten chicken with a knife and folk. The pavlova was light and sweet - almost a bit too sweet, at least now her tummy felt a little queasy. Maybe it really wasn’t the pav though - maybe it was more the significance of this evening out with Mum and Dad in a quiet corner of an unfamiliar, grown-up type restaurant.
She’d dressed carefully, wanting her parents to be proud of her. Oh, she knew they always were, but tonight was special. Three adult friends out for dinner - the start of a growing new relationship for a 13 year old and her parents. The coffee finished, the soft drink glass drained, they sat savouring the time. Three hearts just a little nervous about what was to come next.
Finally, after squeezing Mom’s hand under the table for courage, Dad spoke. “Belinda,” he began tentatively. “This is a very special night for us, and I’ve thought lots about what I want to say to you. However”, and he fingered his tie that suddenly felt much too tight, “All that thinking doesn’t make me very good at making speeches!” He hesitated, and Mum picked up the threads.
“Bindy,” she said, using the family’s favourite name for her, “Dad and I picked up your ring from the jeweller’s on the weekend, and just like we’ve all planned, it’s to be yours to wear from tonight on. But before we give it to you, there are a few things about growing up that we’ve all talked about before, that we just need to remind each other about again. And maybe there are some questions you’d like to ask, too.”
Feeling a sudden inspiration, Dad said, “Bindy, we’ve always told you how thrilled we were when you were born, that you were a girl. But in all these 13 years I’m not sure we’ve ever asked you: ‘Are you glad you’re a girl - really very nearly a young woman?’” “Most of the time the answer is yes,” Belinda replied quietly, before adding, “But sometimes it seems hard. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to grow up, but could just stay home with you and Mum for always. I wish nothing would change.”
There was a pause while all three did some quiet remembering, conscious that they stood together at the brink of something new. This was the official end of the old mummy-daddy-little girl days, but held the promise of a wonderfully different kind of friendship for them. That wouldn’t happen automatically, but would grow as they all worked at it.
Mum picked up the conversation saying, “Belinda, Dad and I know how hard it is to grow up clean and pure sexually, when there are so many voices around you saying that it’s okay to give yourself to anyone so long as you ‘care for them’. And that ‘everyone is doing it so you should too’. We struggled with that thinking when we were in school, and for all the years after until we finally were married. The temptations are very real – even if you say you are a Christian.
The thing that helped us more than anything else to stay pure, was that each of us had made a promise to God and to ourselves, that our virginity was to be a very precious gift we would give to our marriage partner on our wedding night. The promise to God was because that seemed to be what His design is for human sexuality. That full sexual expression is to be protected by a committed, loving marriage. “We’ve talked about this during your growing up years, but now you are coming into the age group where temptation is going to get stronger and stronger. Your body is physically ready to go, so it is your mind, your will, and your promise to God and to that young man you probably haven’t even met yet - that will help you keep yourself pure.
So the ring we want to give you tonight is really a Promise Ring. A reminder to yourself when you get into a situation where you could choose to change your mind. The symbol every time you look at it, of an ideal, a goal, a long-term gift to God and to a very precious young man. We’re giving this to you to wear until you marry, as an outward sign of the pledge you’ve already made in your heart. It is your own personal sense of honesty and trustworthiness that will allow you, with God’s help, to keep your promise.”
Dad got the ring box from his pocket, and with misty eyes and tender hands, put the fine gold band on Belinda’s ring finger. The scene was thick with thankfulness and pride, and the three held hands across the table while he led in a loving prayer.
Jim and I would like to encourage your family to consider a similar ceremony for each of your teens as they reach puberty with all its pressures. A ring is an outward constant reminder of that promise to him or herself, but more importantly a commitment to God.
Grace lives with her husband Jim of 28 years, on their property near Gympie, Qld. Together they have spent many hours in counseling with couples and individuals regarding marriage and the need to do it God’s way. If you wish you can contact Grace now by email javine@optusnet.com.au
