By Jim and Grace Vine

Are you winning? I guess when people ask us that question they are really saying, “Is it worth all the time and effort you two put into trying to help hurting couples and families? Is your work successful?” To be honest, sometimes we really do wonder. We can say that sometimes we don’t feel like we’re winning! In order to measure success or failure we need to clarify the terms.

When we established OAC Family Life Programs in 1987 we saw our primary role as  teachers; explaining a better way for marriage and family relationships, by way of both  seminars and the printed page. The purpose then and now is to present a Christian view of single, married and family life, based on God’s revealed Word.

We identified with Dr. Gary Collins saying, “There are three crucial factors Christians in the helping professions need to know;
1. Know and understand the Scriptures,
2. Know and understand human behaviour, and
3. Ask God for His wisdom to integrate the two.” With God’s help we have     endeavoured to follow that simple advice.

So now to answer the question directly, “Are you winning?” The answer is both Yes and No! Yes, in that we are, to the best of our ability, teaching a marriage and family philosophy that is faithful to the Bible, and also yes, in that many people are finding those principles do work in modern family life.

But we would also have to say No! As put to us in a counselling session by a wife sitting on the edge of her chair, “Do you mean if anything is going to improve in our marriage, we have to make the changes?” Not all who hear want to suddenly forsake old behaviours and lifestyles, and adopt a new or even radical way of thinking and behaving. In other situations, people hear there is hope, but deeply ingrained patterns of family relationships seem to keep them bound to destructive habits.

Is there no guaranteed formula, no watertight solution to the avalanche of family
destruction in Australia today? Yes there is! But it is not to be found in a therapy, or tablets, or even a particular church.

Success is guaranteed when the couple agrees to invite Jesus Christ into their life and marriage, and begins a life of following the Saviour … one day at a time; humbly, obediently allowing God’s Spirit to be their teacher, applying the Scriptures to everyday family challenges. Christ’s love brings success when the couple understands and accepts His headship over them; when they follow the Master’s model of leadership by servanthood; and when the “two becoming one” principle is the dominant marriage  principle at work. Success in helping couples is determined by three factors; our skill in teaching and motivating, their choice to grow together, and God’s work of grace in their personal lives. That’s success!

Happy reading,

Jim & Grace Vine

Editors
MarriageWorks Magazine
javine@optusnet.com.au